so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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