is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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