Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
