This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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