I never want to see another naked old woman again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
