suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
