The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
