I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just high enough for therapy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
