Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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