this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
