ya dads aren't the best wingmen
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
