Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
