Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
