Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
