AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
