I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
