i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
