I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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