Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
