if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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