Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
