Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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