Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
