just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
