this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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