So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
