Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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