SEEEEXXX PLEASE
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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