You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
