question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
