I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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