I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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