you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
