Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
