tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
