you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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