Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
