she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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