I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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