I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
