Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
