1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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