I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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