I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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