he puts the penis in happiness.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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