so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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