you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
