okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
