I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i think i just lost a toe
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
