i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
