yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
