i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
