There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
