3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
