I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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