literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I'm really busy with my period
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