just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
