Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
