I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
